Since it’s the holiday season, I figured we could all use a break from the various economic, political and social conflicts and problems of the country and the world, in general. Therefore, I have compiled a list of humorous, and maybe not so humorous, quotes by famous people for your reading pleasure. Note, I have optimistically entitled the blog “Part 1” in the expectation that there will be others to follow prospectively.

For those of you who like to test your knowledge, I have presented this in the form of a quiz. For the rest of you, just read and enjoy. I hope this post helps lighten your load somewhat.

1. “As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it.”

a. Milton Berle
b. Don Rickels
c. George Burns
d. Buddy Hackett

2. “Get your facts first. Then, you can distort them as you please.”

a. Mark Twain
b. Harry Truman
c. Teddy Roosevelt
d. Groucho Marx

3. “I never said most of the things I said.”

a. Gracie Allen
b. Yogi Berra
c. George W. Bush
d. Ralph Kiner

4. “Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo.”

a. Mack Sennett
b. Douglas Fairbanks
c. Lon Chaney
d. Mary Pickford

5. “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”

a. Bette Davis
b. Rita Hayworth
c. Lana Turner
d. Marlon Brando

6. “Everyone told me to pass on ‘Speed’ because it was a ‘bus movie.’

a. Keanu Reeves
b. Sandra Bullock
c. Heidi Klum
d. Bruce Willis

7. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”

a. Rodney Dangerfield
b. Jim Norton
c. Jim Carrey
d. George Burns

8. “Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.”

a. Lyndon Johnson
b. Ronald Reagan
c. Barack Obama
d. Harry Truman

9. “All right, everyone line up alphabetically according to height.”

a. Yogi Berra
b. Will Rogers
c. Casey Stengel
d. My ninth-grade gym teacher

10. “Float like a butterfly; sting like a bee.”

a. Sugar Ray Leonard
b. Howard Cosell
c. Burgess Meredith, in “Rocky.”
d. Muhammed Ali

11. “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

a. Ralph Kiner
b. Casey Stengel
c. Yogi Berra
d. John Kennedy

[Blogger’s note: More Yogi Berra-isms: “It ain’t over till it’s over.” “It’s like deja vu, all over again.” “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.” “Cut the pizza in four pieces; I’m not hungry enough to eat six.” (If you want more, there’s a whole book of them.)]

12. “Movies are a fad. Audiences really want to see live actors on a stage.”

a. Jack Warner
b. Douglas Fairbanks
c. Zeppo Marx
d. Charlie Chaplin

13. “Why do they call it ‘Rush Hour’ when nothing moves?”

a. Robin Williams
b. George Carlin
c. Eddie Murphy
d. Chevy Chase

14. “A committee is a group of people that takes minutes and loses hours.”

a. Rodney Dangerfield
b. Chris Rock
c. Milton Berle
d. Johnny Carson

15. “I did not have 3,000 pairs of shoes; I had 1,060.”

a. Imelda Marcos
b. “c” but not “a.”
c. “c” but not “b.”
d. “b” and “c”, but not “a.”

[If you missed this one, you truly are not smarter than a fifth-grader.]

16. “A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.”

a. Mitt Romney
b. Bill O’Reilly
c. George Bernard Shaw
d. Mark Twain

17. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”

a. Barack Obama
b. Joe Biden
c. Rodney Dangerfield
d. Jack Benny

18. “I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.”

a. George Carlin
b. Johnny Carson
c. Buddy Hackett
d. Will Rogers

19. “Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.”

a. Barry Goldwater
b. FDR
c. Will Rogers
d. Ronald Reagan

20. “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”

a. Yogi Berra
b. Don Rickels
c. Groucho Marx
d. George Carlin

ANSWERS: 1. d; 2. a; 3. b; 4. d; 5. c; 6. b; 7. c; 8. b; 9. c; 10. d; 11. c; 12. d; 13. a; 14. c; 15. a; 16. c; 17. c; 18. d; 19. d; 20. c


I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to advise me your score and which quotes you liked and didn’t like.


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