Attention: Parents of college-age kids. We all know that choosing the right college is critical for your child’s future. In that vein, I want to make you aware of an exciting new undergraduate program that Columbia University will begin offering next semester. This program will be the first of its kind. Your kid will have the unique opportunity to learn various skills that will prepare him/her/it/them/shem/whatever to survive and prosper in the new world.
The following courses will be offered:
- Protesting
- Flag burning
- Occupying a college campus
- Resisting authority.
- Mocking your parents.
- Hate America chants
- Hate Israel chants
- Hate Jews chants.
- Holocaust denying.
- How to conduct an intifada against non-believers.
- Antisemitism
- White privelege
- White suppression of Blacks, native Americans and everyone else.
- Alternative American history featuring how the west was REALLY won.
- The identity and location of “the river” and “the sea.”
In addition, your kid will have the unique opportunity to be taught, by hologram, by exciting guest lecturers such as Adolph Hitler, Pol Pott, Fidel Castro, Genghis Khan, and Muhammed. This will give them a real perspective on history and social issues.
All this for the low, cost of $90,000 a year according to Wikipedia.
And the best part. Your kid will have the opportunity to win a scholarship to study abroad in Iran where he/she/them/shem/whatever can experience the glories of life in a totalitarian regime firsthand. Kids that have expressed hatred for America and the American way of life will find this particularly rewarding. Just think how refreshing it will be to live a life unencumbered by the pesky U. S constitution and the Bill of Rights. Freedom of religion, speech and the press and the rest of the Bill of Rights is overrated anyway. Right?
Women, in particular will get the experience of a lifetime. They will get to wear their very own genuine hijab. Just be careful not to remove it in public. Violators will be subjected to fines or imprisonment or worse. According to Amnesty International women in Iran are subjected to extensive “discrimination in law and practice in relation to marriage and divorce, inheritance, child custody, nationality and international travel.” That last one means that your daughter’s trip may very well be a one-way ticket.
If he/she/them/shem/whatever is really lucky he/she/them/shem/whatever will meet the Iranian man/woman/them/shem/whatever of his/her/them/shem/whatever dreams, marry, and raise a family in Iran. Of course, it may be problematic for you to travel to see your child or the grandkids, but so what. They probably won’t want to see their imperialist, warmongering, racist grandparents anyway.
Those who opt to forego the above-described semester abroad in Iran will graduate and hit the open market with a degree from a prestigious Ivy League college. Of course, it may be problematic to find a post-graduate job with a major in terrorism, antisemitism or hate speech. Stodgy, uninformed Human Resources personnel who espouse traditional American values may not look kindly on graduates with those majors particularly if they are accompanied by vile, hateful social media posts and/or suspensions from school. See below cartoon. That could very well prove to be the proverbial “fly in the ointment” or the “monkey in the wrench” for your child’s career.
CONCLUSION
Of course, the foregoing was “tongue in cheek.” I exaggerated to prove a point. However, parents and students should be cognizant of the consequences of the actions such as we have seen in the past few weeks. I get that some students may be young and stupid and easily manipulated. But parents should be wise and experienced enough to know that actions have consequences. I maintain that one of the primary responsibilities of parents and colleges is to prepare students to succeed in the real world. I fear that many are failing to do so, which does not augur well for the next generation.
We Built It Blog by Larry Jacob 