ABBOTT AND COSTELLO AND THE COVID VACCINE CONTROVERSY

From time to time I get special requests from readers to write a blog on a particular topic. I always try to honor such requests. The following is a request from my friend and loyal reader, Kevin.

As you all know, at the present time one of the most contentious issues in America revolves around the COVID vaccines and the relationship between the vaccinated and the non-vaccinated. President Biden’s mandate has added fuel to the fire. Each group feels it has valid reasons for its position and has dug in its heels. Although I am fully vaccinated I have not taken sides, and I will not at this time.

Suffice to say, in my opinion, there are legitimate questions with respect to the subject. For example, should they be mandatory for everyone? To what extent do they help? Should people who refuse be fired from their jobs? Should those who have antibodies either naturally or from having survived a bout with the virus be exempt? Are there legitimate religious or medical reasons to refuse? The purpose of this blog is not to takes sides. My objective is to try to inject a little humor into a tense and contentious situation. So, below please find how the late comedy duo, Abbott and Costello might have handled this situation. Read and enjoy.

ABBOTT AND COSTELLO’S “WHO’S BEEN VACCINATED?” 

Bud: ‘You can’t come in here!’

Lou: ‘Why not?’

Bud: ‘Well because you’re unvaccinated.’ 

Lou: ‘But I’m not sick.’

Bud: ‘It doesn’t matter.’

Lou: ‘Well, why does that guy get to go in?’

Bud: ‘Because he’s vaccinated.’

Lou: ‘But he’s sick!’

Bud: ‘It’s alright. Everyone in here is vaccinated.’

Lou: ‘Wait a minute. Are you saying everyone in there is vaccinated?’

Bud: ‘Yes.’

Lou: ‘So then why can’t I go in there if everyone is vaccinated?’

Bud: ‘Because you’ll make them sick.’

Lou: ‘How will I make them sick if I’m NOT sick and they’re vaccinated?’ 

Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaccinated.’ 

Lou: ‘But they’re vaccinated.’

Bud: ‘But they can still get sick.’ 

Lou: ‘So what the heck does the vaccine do?’

Bud: ‘It vaccinates.’ 

Lou: ‘So vaccinated people can’t spread COVID?’

Bud: ‘Oh no. They can spread COVID just as easily as an unvaccinated person.’

Lou: ‘I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. Look. I’m not sick. 

Bud: ‘Ok.’

Lou: ‘And the guy you let in IS

Bud: ‘That’s right.’

Lou: ‘And everybody in there can still get sick even though they’re vaccinated.’

Bud: ‘Certainly.’

Lou: ‘So why can’t I go in again?’

Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaccinated.’

Lou: ‘I’m not asking who’s vaccinated or not!’

Bud: ‘I’m just telling you how it is.’

Lou: ‘Never mind. I’ll just put on my mask.’

Bud: ‘That’s fine.’

Lou: ‘Now I can go in?’

Bud: ‘Absolutely not?’

Lou: ‘But I have a mask!’

Bud: ‘Doesn’t matter.’

Lou: ‘I was able to come in here yesterday with a mask.’

Bud: ‘I know.’ 

Lou: So why can’t I come in here today with a mask? ….If you say ‘because I’m unvaccinated’ again, I’ll break your arm.’

Bud: ‘Take it easy buddy.’

Lou: ‘So the mask is no good anymore.’

Bud: ‘No, it’s still good.’

Lou: ‘But I can’t come in?’

Bud: ‘Correct.’

Lou: ‘Why not?’

Bud: ‘Because you’re unvaccinated.’ 

Lou: ‘But the mask prevents the germs from getting out.’

Bud: ‘Yes, but people can still catch your germs.’

Lou: ‘But they’re all vaccinated.’

Bud: ‘Yes, but they can still get sick.’

Lou: ‘But I’m not sick!!’

Bud: ‘You can still get them sick.’

Lou: ‘So then masks don’t work!’

Bud: ‘Masks work quite well.’

Lou: ‘So how in the heck can I get vaccinated people sick if I’m not sick and masks work?’

Bud: ‘Third base.’

CONCLUSION

For the uninitiated, Abbott and Costello were one of the most famous and successful comedy duos in the 1940s and 1950s. They joined forces in 1935 by accident when Costello’s partner was unable to perform due to illness and Abbott had to step in. They were an immediate success. Abbott was the “straight man,” and Costello was the “fall guy.” Their career spanned vaudeville, radio, television and the movies. At their peak in the 1940s they were the highest paid entertainers in the world. They are best known for the comedy routine “Who’s on First,” which, to me, is one of the most famous and funniest routines ever. If you’re not familiar with it you can find it on U-Tube or at the Baseball Hall of Fame where it is played on a continuous loop.

Their “run” came to an abrupt end when Costello died of a heart attack in 1957 at the age of 57. Abbott died in 1974 of cancer. Perhaps, the “PC” crowd would not appreciate their brand of humor, but to their many fans it will live forever.

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